Lately Feels Like Blurry
It seems fitting to be typing this late night in a hotel lobby. Chad is upstairs attempting to sleep off a cold and his snoring was affecting my ability to think clearly (I have some fierce noise aversions.) He may hate me for that last statement. He snores. But only for a little while. 🙂
But in all honesty, these past few months have felt like a blur. The other day a friend asked me what I have been up to and I drew a blank. The truth is, one thing to the next had left life feeling a
little A LOT blurry. Exciting and fun? Yes. But when I couldn’t even recount the events enough to be thankful I became a little concerned.
I can feel you parents rolling your eyes. And rightfully so. I don’t have that dimension quite yet and the more space that is created between my “drop everything and go life” and one that involves tiny little dependents, the more anxiety gets raised. The truth is, parts of me love this independence. Aside from my two four legged friends, (who are actually quite high maintenance), I can for the most part pick up and go when I want. Have I taken that for granted? Likely yes. Have I wished it away at times? Yep.
But what I am learning lately is to embrace right where you are with all you have can do wonders for the soul. Not to mean that you lose hope of future hopes and dreams. I think they can work hand in hand. Meaning that life has a way of luring us to the next thing. But often, the here and now can become, well, blurry. It can do that when you are single, married, with or without kids. It can do it in certain months or it can span years.
My lesson? I don’t like blurry.
So I ask myself. Is it all worth it? Are we letting life live us or are we living life? Are we responding to demands or are we creating them? And which of those are healthy?
The other day, Chad sent me an email simply titled, “I love you.” It was a short email. But in it, he said that he was thankful for me for embracing the hustle of now. I think he realized this pace is certainly more in his wheelhouse than mine. I have looked at my role lately as one to be as supportive of Chad as I can. To make sure he has all he needs to push through this season. To some, that may sound like my dreams don’t matter. But that’s not the way I see it. I see us as one and at the moment, this is what we need to move us forward. We get to do things together and for me that means the most.
Truth be told, I got tired last night and never finished this post. I sit now in a cute little coffee shop in East Austin embracing a new city and new surroundings. I’m embracing the momentum of pace we are going knowing that it is only for a while.
So I ask, how do you manage life when it seems a little blurry? Maybe you’re there now. What do you do to find rest? Do you let yourself rest? I would love to hear your thoughts!